Top-Rated San Diego Perfectionism Therapist Allison Barton

The root of perfectionism is a fear of making mistakes, fear of failure, and fear of not being good enough. Perfectionists often seek external validation due to a trauma response and use perfectionistic behavior as a way to seek control when their past felt unpredictable or unsafe. In therapy, I help my clients explore the reasons they believe they have to be perfect, like potentially learning that mistakes weren't acceptable or only receiving praise from caregivers when they achieved something. Research shows that perfectionistic thinking is increasing overtime due to growing demands on young people. Another study used the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale to measure perfectionism and found 25-30% of children and adolescents are affected by the desire to be perfect and might feel stress or fear when faced with their own mistakes.

No, perfectionism is not a form of OCD. However, both perfectionism and OCD can look very similar, including high standards, anxiety, and rigid expectations. Perfectionism exists along a spectrum ranging from healthy motivation to harmful pressure to have things perfect. If someone who has perfectionistic tendencies also experiences intense anxiety, obsessive thoughts, spends excessive time on seeking perfection, and has compulsions tied to making things perfect, the diagnosis of OCD may also apply.

Therapy can help individuals heal from perfectionism by gaining insight into why they set excessively high standards, learning to set realistic goals, and working through a fear of failure. Often perfectionism correlates with self-esteem and anxiety issues, which can also be identified and worked on with a clinician. Perfectionism is also often a trauma response and therapy can help individuals explore and heal how their past experiences have caused perfectionistic tendencies. Therapy will not take away your strengths of managing several things at once or being driven to meet your goals but it will help perfectionists challenge unrealistic standards they have set for themselves and then focus on realistic goal setting. Therapy can also help perfectionists find a sense of peace in their lives.

When a client enter therapy, we begin with setting goals to overcome perfectionism include increasing self-compassion, learning coping skills to manage negative emotions, managing stress, and challenging the tendency to set impossibly high expectations for themselves. I aim to help my clients increase their self-acceptance by learning to set realistic expectations, practicing relaxation techniques, and reducing self-judgment when making mistakes. When necessary we may also work through symptoms of depression including excessive self-criticism, negative self-talk, low self-esteem, guilt, and shame.

I utilize Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to guide clients to reprocess the previous trauma that is often responsible for people setting impossible standards for themselves. I also utilize Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy, to help my clients create a healthier mindset. Specifically we work on accepting life's difficulties and committing to making changes that will combat perfectionism and increase self-confidence. I cannot promise that participating in therapy will allow you to live a life free of perfectionistic behaviors but people are often able to reduce the tendency to be overly self critical and increases self-awareness of the thought processes that can be all consuming for perfectionists.

A critical aspect of therapy is to have a strong therapeutic relationship between the therapist and client. One way you can assess whether I am the right therapist for you is to read through the information about my practice on my website. You can learn more about me on my Instagram page to get a feel for whether I would be a good fit for you (@allisonthetherapist). I highly encourage you to reach out for a free consultation to discuss your specific goals and see if we are a good fit to work together.

At the beginning of treating perfectionism, I work to build rapport with my clients and ask questions to understand their history. We also discuss other mental health issues clients may be experiencing, like anxiety, depression, or trauma. Together, we create a treatment plan for therapy and I guide clients to gain insight into their relentless pursuit of perfectionism. We also explore the negative consequences of setting impossibly high standards. I aim to create a non-judgmental space for clients to identify and challenge their very high standards and their constant need to be perfect. Whether we are meeting in person or doing online therapy, the overall goal is to promote resilience already inherent in the client and increase overall well-being. I always go at pace my clients are comfortable with and allow therapy to be tailored to their unique needs.

Schedule a Free Consultation Call

If you're interested in therapy to address your perfectionism, you can schedule a free consultation call to discuss your goals and desires. In the initial consultation, we will discuss your goals for personal growth, I'll answer any questions you may have about the process, and we'll set up a time to meet that works with both of our schedules.

Fill Out Intake Paperwork

After the initial consultation call, I will send you an intake packet including policies, a symptom check list for symptoms you are experiencing, and space for you to explain more about your mental health history.

Begin Therapy for Perfectionism!

We'll begin therapy with the goal of addressing perfectionism, fostering self-compassion, and creating healthier perspectives for perfectionists to begin healing. I will give you many resources to challenge your drive toward perfection and increase your sense of self-acceptance.